The Misadventures of Captain Jack
by Vera-Sama
Summary: Captain Jack is bored, and decides to try a new approach at getting the one that got away. Crackfic, possibly OOC. Just oddness, really. Rating because even though Jack's involved, nothing really happens that needs high ratings. xD


**AN:** I promised myself I'd never try to write a Doctor Who fic, because I'd be too worried I couldn't get the characters right, but I had a discussion with my friend, and after she pointed out that crack fics don't count, this idea was born. If people enjoy this, I might write more chapters or whatever later with the other incarnations of the Doctor. Anyway, it's odd, so enjoy! xD

**Disclaimer:** I own several pieces of Doctor Who merchandise, but I do not actually own Doctor Who...but oh the fun I could have if I did...xD

**The Misadventures of Captain Jack**

Captain Jack Harkness was bored. Very, very bored. He looked around the bar he was in, hoping a pretty new face had popped up while he'd been out back with that three headed guy from the planet Namatawa, but no such luck. As it was, he'd had just about all the fun the could have with this bar.

Well, this space station...

Well...most likely this star quadrant, if he was to honest with himself, and he just wasn't the sort to revisit 'claimed territory'...except maybe that three headed guy...that was kind of fun.

He shook his head, dismissing the thought. For now, at least. Soon he began to think of the few who got away. All the times he'd traveled with the Doctor, he'd never once managed to get with any of his other companions...or with the Doctor himself, for that matter. Not for lack of trying, mind you, the Doctor just didn't seem to be interested.

Which was perhaps the one thing Jack couldn't understand. He examined his reflection in the glass sitting before him. Nope, still unbelievably adorable and ruggedly handsome, so that couldn't be it. If only he could've had more time with the Doctor. He was sure he could wear him down enough if he just...

Jack had a sudden, obvious, and brilliant idea, and resisted the urge to slap his forehead, if only because it would leave a red mark, and he wouldn't want that. With his lovely little Vortex Manipulator, he could have as much time with the Doctor as he needed. He tossed back the rest of his glass, dropped some money on the table, threw the three headed guy a wink, just in case, and headed for the door.

He'd been on the TARDIS before, so it'd be a simple matter to just pop in...but when? Before Rose joined him, obviously, as the Doctor barely noticed the rest of the universe when she was around...but after she'd left wouldn't be any better...

"Perhaps I can pop back a regeneration or two...that ought to be enough time to work my charm." He mused to himself as he began to adjust the settings on his Vortex Manipulator. As he tapped the last digit in, he smiled to himself, confident that he'd be tapping something far more enjoyable fairly soon.

xXxXx

The Doctor grumbled to himself as he moved about the TARDIS control room. He'd left Galifrey to see the universe...not to sit in a London Junkyard so Susan could see history first hand in some primitive school. He had just decided there was little else he could do but wait for her to get home, and just take off. She'd be mad at first, he was sure, but she'd get over it.

He made his way to the library to get a book to read, hobbling back slowly on his cane with a Dickens novel under one arm. He hated the rainy London weather, it always made his bones ache...

He stopped with a start when he saw a young man, dressed like a World War II captain, if he recognized the uniform, looking around the control room with interest.

"I say, who are you?" The Doctor demanded as he hobbled toward the stranger.

The man looked a bit surprised to see the Doctor, but covered it quickly with what, the Doctor assumed at least, was supposed to be a charming smile.

"Hi, Captain Jack Harkness." The man said with a dimpled smile and a wink, which made the Doctor wonder if he had something in his eye. "And you are?"

"I am the Doctor." The Doctor informed, a bit more irritated than a moment ago. "And this is my home...how'd you get in here?"

The man, Jack, blinked a couple of times before shrugging. "Not what I expected to find, but I'm creative..." He said to himself.

"What was that, young man?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing..." The smile was back, and the Doctor didn't trust it for a moment.

Jack began to wander around the TARDIS control room for a bit, trying to think of how best to proceed. He could use the Time Agent story...saying someone's been randomly selected for a strip search had worked well in the past. He glanced back at the Doctor, and dismissed that idea. He'd have to play it a bit more carefully.

"What would you say if I told you I'm a future companion of yours?" Jack asked suddenly, glad to see he's managed to come to a stop next to the Doctor.

"I'd say that's impossible, my dear man. I only travel with my granddaughter, Susan." The Doctor raised an eyebrow at him, showing his skepticism.

Jack filed that tid-bit away for later...he'd never known the Doctor had kids, let alone grand-kids. Then again, who was Jack to judge? He probably had kids all over the solar system. "But it's true!" Jack insisted, oozing charm for all he was worth. "We're friends...very, very close friends..." He accentuated the word 'close', in hopes that he could get the Doctor to drop his guard a bit. "We do all sorts of things together..."

"My dear fellow, what could you and I possibly do together?"

Jack couldn't help the grin that followed that. He could think of a few things..."All sorts of things..." He repeated, attempting to sound far more innocent than he was. "We travel, we dance...we could even play doctor..."

"Play what?" The Doctor inquired, his curiosity taking over, and his complete lack of understanding of what Jack was getting at causing him to relax a bit.

"Play doctor..." Jack saw the older man relax, and decided now was as good a time as any to make his more. "Surely you've played doctor before..." And butt grope. It was a nicer butt than he'd expected, really.

"Played wha-ah!" The Doctor's question turned into a sound of shock, and the old man jumped higher than Jack had thought he could.

Jack smiled, proud of his small accomplishment with the Doctor brought his wooden cane down against Jack's head.

"Ow!" Jack took a step out of hitting range, and decided if his charm didn't work, he'd just go for persistence. And the vicious cycle began.

Jack reached out, copped a quick feel, and then jumped back before the Doctor could hit him again.

"Come now, Doctor..." He purred as he got another butt grope in. "I just want to show you how to play doctor..."

Grope. Whack. "Ow!" Grope. Whack. "Ow!"

After a moment, Jack, feeling a bit braver, darted up behind the Doctor, bringing both arms around the old man, who really wasn't as strong as his later regenerations, thank goodness. "How about I show you something more fun you can do with that cane?" He purred in the Doctor's ear. He was about to dare and try a little nibble on the Doctor's ear when his inner body language sensor told him the Doctor's cane was headed for a very sensitive area, which wasn't as much fun as it sounded. He darted away again.

Grope. Whack. "Ow!" Grope. Whack. "Ow!"

xXxXx

Susan unlocked the door to the TARDIS, letting herself in. She looked up in surprise when she heard a strange man's voice, and saw her grandfather chasing what looked like...a World War II soldier? The man had a grin which made her stomach flutter in an odd way, as he darted past her out the TARDIS door. She was equally surprised to see her grandfather, apparently flush with some sort of exertion, chasing after the man, shaking his cane angrily.

"You get back here, you cheeky fool, and I'll wallop you one!"

Jack continued to run as he entered new coordinates on his Vortex Manipulator. Not a complete success, but not a complete failure either, he thought as he pushed the last button and disappeared from the old Junkyard.

**-The End-**

**AN:** So yeah, there you have it. My friend and I decided we'd love to see this happen between the 1st Doctor and Jack. We figured Jack and just about any of the Doctors would be absolutely hilarious, but the 1st was out favorite because he'd be the most likely to hit Jack with his cane. xD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please R&R.


End file.
